Samhain Feast 2016

Falling asleep standing up in my court garb...

So, Samhain finally came and went, and the entire Culinary Group survived successfully! I'm really proud of the whole team. As stressed as we were leading up to the big day, I definitely feel like we pulled it off.

Caterina &tc. likes to do this "GBU" thing for post-event reports - Good, Bad, and Ugly - and so I think I will do the same. I think I will phrase it as "good, not-so-good, and bad," though. I'm really going to be mostly speaking to my experiences with the feast preparation and how I think that went, since that's basically what I did all day.

The Good:
- We were really organized in terms of our schedule, to-do list, our recipes, etc. and that definitely helped make sure that we were on time almost all day long.
- The food which we prepared for the feast was tested twice, so we were really confident in our recipes and I think they went over well for the most part.
- On the whole, I think we worked really excellently as a team and everyone was very good-natured and pleasant with one another. Even when things started to get a little stressful towards service, we stayed on top of it and got it together.
- It was so lovely to hear from people that they enjoyed the food we made. It can be really hard to know what's going on outside from inside the kitchen, so we really appreciate it when people take the time to come up and let us know how everything was. Her Highness Princess Nasheeta took the time at the end of the night to personally thank us for our service, and it was really touching and really appreciated.
- We were able to organize ourselves in such a way that some of us were able to be a part of Caterina's elevation ceremony, which I cried all the way through like the mature adult I am. It was a real blessing to be able to take part, and it's only thanks to the efforts of those who stepped up to stay behind that we were able to do so. I am so grateful.
- There were people over and above who I thought would come help who worked super hard all day long in the kitchen! So amazing!
- My Pelican, Mistress Coryn, was able to attend from Borealis. Her words of support and advice throughout the day were sincerely appreciated and helped keep me grounded when things got tough!
- Baron James was present all day long, and was absolutely the key factor in our success. He brought almost every piece of equipment we had, helped us prep efficiently all day long, kept us organized, and mentored us so we'll all know what we're doing better next time.
- After hearing that the kitchen crew didn't have enough food to eat, Sir Kirk and Sir Varrus's group very, very kindly delivered some of their own food to us. We were incredibly touched by this generosity! We also ordered in pizza, so all's well that ends well.

The Not-So-Good:
- The way the tables were going to be set up in our heads (8 to a table, 10 tables) was not the reality of how the hall was set up due to space limitations (long rows of tables, 6 to a table) so that fundamentally changed the way our food was distributed. Completely not anyone's fault at all and totally understandable given the size of the hall, but it was a going concern in the kitchen!
- The kitchen was SO HOT. So hot. Having 14 crockpots in there and three ovens on all day and very little ventilation meant it was a real sauna!
- There were a few small hiccups with portions (not enough for the kitchen crew, for example) and one of our recipes took a lot longer than we had predicted to prepare, which meant we had a few problems getting out the second remove in a timely fashion.

The Bad: 
- I am really aching today from my head to my toes!
- 8:00am to 12:30am is really much too long of a day for anyone to be working non-stop. Many of the kitchen staff only got breaks so they could fulfill other responsibilities; some only brief stops for the bathroom or a glass of water. I'm not really sure if it's possible to resolve that except through a lot more clean-up assistance, but honestly the kitchen crew are the only ones who know what belongs to whom and where it goes, so it's kind of important that we stick around. It might be helpful in the future to program in a forced 30-minute break during a lull in preparation which everyone has to obey.
- Regrettably, there were a very small number of folks who were not very gentle or kind to the kitchen/event staff at a few times throughout the day, which put some of the crew in a pretty sour mood about the whole thing. We finished strong and I know that 95% of the people in attendance were satisfied, but it can't help but hurt your feelings when you're in a 40C kitchen all day long or running off your feet as a volunteer and people aren't as kind as you know they can be. Please know that anyone working hard to serve the populace at an SCA event is doing so out of love, and we are really trying our very best.

So, that was that! I had fun being in the kitchen and despite my nerves, I know it won't be long until I'm in there again. There is something really satisfying about a job well done! I love watching a feast come together from the planning stages to the big night.

The Fear of Being Responsible

Welcome to honesty hour on Alice's blog!

The first time I ever co-stewarded an event was Beltane 2015. Brangwayn the Ever-Present was the chief event steward, and I marveled at how calm and collected she was through the whole process - no matter what anybody wanted, no matter who had something "constructive" to say about the event, she was as cool as a cucumber. Whenever anyone asked me a question or had a concern, I quickly pointed them her way and worried about it for hours.

That same event, the Culinary Group had its first big foray into feast prep. We made appetizer platters for eight tables of ten, and I was an absolute wreck. Coordinating all the different elements of the platters, arguing with folks who said they'd be involved and then decided not to be, and making sure everything was done on time and plated properly made me terribly anxious. Baron James had time to be in the kitchen that day, and calmly walked us through the afternoon. It was incredible to me how reassuring he was and how confidently he was able to assess the situation and help us out.

When I stewarded my first event in a leading role - Twelfth Night 2016 - everything went well until the mid-afternoon. There were no garbage cans, the feast was late due to communication issues, the entertainment I'd planned didn't go quite as planned, kids were getting into trouble, and all kinds of other details started going haywire. I spent over an hour hiding in a room upstairs in tears. Drifa and Rosaline talked me off the proverbial ledge and gave me the strength to finish the event, but I swore to myself that I'd never run another one again.

At Grand TUA in Spring 2016, I was one part of a two-person team with Asa. I was beside myself worrying about if we had enough of this or enough of that, how to put things together and plate things properly, but her enthusiasm and determination to succeed got us through everything. The guidance of two much more experience feast stewards - Mistress Coryn and Mistress Joan - calmed everything right down and I learned so much from their grace under pressure.

When it comes right down to it, I get really scared of being in a leadership position. Every time I'm responsible for a task which has to go right, I spend weeks and weeks agonizing over every little detail which might go wrong. I don't understand what it takes to not be constantly terrified of what might happen! I don't yet understand how all of these people who I rely on so much have come to a place in their lives where they are able to take on responsibilities so calmly and gracefully.

I think a lot of things which I struggle with in my life come down to my fear of being responsible for things, of exposing myself to criticism, and opening myself to the possibility of failure. I worry and worry and worry in the hopes that somehow I'll be able to think myself out of any potential problem that might come my way, instead of just trusting that either I'll be able to deal with it myself or there will be people around me (as there always are!) who will be able to lend me the support I need.

Anxiety is always going to be a cold hand on my shoulder, I know that. It's not something I can really help, but I hope one day it will be something I can better keep under control.