What can I do while I'm injured?

Injury is something that happens to all fighters, sooner or later. 

There's only so long that we can put our bodies under the stress of fighting - in any discipline, be it ranged, fencing, or armored combat - before things start to wear out and joints and tendons begin to get in our way. No matter how careful we are, accidents happen sometimes, too. 

Whatever the cause, the end result is the same: Down time. 

As somebody who is currently suffering through on-and-off down time, I understand that the urge can be strong to stay at home in bed sulking when fight night rolls around. Watching other people fight when you can't makes your whole heart ache. 

Something that has been really working for me over the last few months has been shifting my mindset from personal achievement to collective achievement. Am I going to be able to go out there and thrash everybody on the field right now? No. But can I still do something that contributes positively to the experience of others, while allowing me to stay connected to the community that I love. A victory for our weekly fight practice - whether that's one more regular participant, a marked improvement in overall skill level, or everybody having pretty new fight garb - is a victory for me. 

There are so many excellent things that you can do to keep your mind and spirit engaged, keep yourself in good habits and routines, and facilitate an easy transition back to the field once you've stabilized enough to participate again. 

In three months off, Karl picked up the flute and finished his stylish new pants - be like Karl!

A list of some things you might be able to do: 

• Show up at practice to contribute to a positive atmosphere 
• Check in with other injured fighters to offer moral support
• Keep in contact with your friends, family and Peer(s) - don't vanish off the face of the planet!
• If you have a car, help get other fighters and equipment to and from practice and events
• Learn how to do mobility-assisted fighting styles
• Run or support fundraising efforts
• Learn how to marshal one or more disciplines 
• Learn how to run lists 
• Make connections with people who do other fighting disciplines
• Teach technique or basics, if your injury allows 
• Work on slow drills, if your injury allows 
• Greet newcomers and onlookers and help them understand what's going on
• Coordinate special guest instructors
• Help maintain loaner equipment 
• Attend tournaments and championships to support your community 
• Take video and photos for other fighters to help them do self-critique (if appropriate, and with permission and consultation) 
• Learn a new craft or skill that can help support you or others on the field 
• Make and support connections between fighters, officers and branches 
• Watch video recordings of fights from other kingdoms to learn some different styles and techniques to share with others 
• Read historical combat manuals and learn some theory 
• Post nice things on social media to promote your practice (if appropriate) 
• Observe other people's fighting styles and form, ask questions, and use it as an opportunity to learn
• Journal about your thoughts and feelings so you can track your progress 
• Work diligently on nutrition, sleep, mental health, and rehabilitation

Things you should not do: 

• Push yourself beyond your health care team's recommendations 
• Obsess over previous performance and achievements
• Be a negative social influence ("well, I was watching the whole time, and I saw so-and-so...") 
• Be a negative personal influence ("I was watching you and your footwork is awful...") 
• Resort to substance abuse in order to maintain your ability to fight 
• Pressure other injured fighters to participate beyond their limits ("I've got half a spine and no bones in my right arm and I'm still armoring up, what's your excuse?")

"Nah, I'm good bro, I'm just gonna fight through the pain."

Down time can be emotionally and mentally painful, especially if combat is a huge part of your self-concept and lifestyle. Even small injuries to the body can become massive wounds to the psyche if you don't have somewhere positive to channel that energy. Permanent injuries can be devastating. Some days are just going to suck, and it's okay for you to be gentle and patient with yourself. Forgive yourself for the days when you just can't make any enthusiasm happen. 

But, no matter what's happening with your body, you are a valuable, important and unique individual with incredible contributions that you can make. 

Reflections on gentleness

I've spoken about this before on this very blog (a lifetime ago!) but there’s one virtue that never seems to make it on the list of cardinal virtues that I really, really admire. 

The four cardinal virtues as understood by classical philosophy:
Prudence, Justice, Fortitude and Temperance

This is a quality that appears in almost all of the folks I admire the most (Peer or not) -  a spirit of gentleness. 

We have our modern conception of what being gentle means. It probably calls to mind certain feelings of softness or meekness, but that’s not what I mean when I say it. 

To be gentle is to know that you hold in yourself the power, knowledge, skill, privilege or strength to do great harm - but you don’t, unless absolutely warranted. It’s a state of balance. 

You measure your words carefully. You speak and act with integrity, especially in public spaces. You don’t punch down. You don’t share or exploit people’s vulnerabilities and secrets. But your values, boundaries and expectations around communication and behaviour are always clear. 

You are kind, generous and fair to those who you’re in a position of authority over. You’re a good example to others. You allow others the grace to learn and make mistakes. But you are an authority, and that is clear to all. 

You don’t use your strength to harm. You don’t throw your weight around to get your way. You don’t make other people afraid or miserable in your presence by being excessively forceful. But it is evident, always, that the strength is there and can be summoned if needed. 

You’re an iron fist in a velvet glove. When it’s time to make hard decisions and bring some consequences to bear, you are careful and precise in doing so. But you have the wisdom to know when and how to do it in order to do the least possible harm to others. 

We are all human and we all fail at this from time to time, but I admire the hell out of the many MANY gentle people I know, and meditate on this quality very often.

I'm hurt

In my last blog entry, I posted a little bit about some of the issues I've been having with repetitive strain injuries and I mentioned my back, very briefly. That did become a bigger problem almost immediately afterwards, as I feared. 

Image courtesy of a friend of mine who is an ER nurse. It's not ideal.

There was a series of diagnostics and back-and-forth between this doctor and that one and lots of second and third opinions, but what I basically ended up with was that I've got the spine of somebody in their 60s and a few slightly complex problems that won't be going away without surgery. The goal is to get everything very strong indeed through physiotherapy, keep the inflammation down, and keep everything as mobile as I can to delay surgery by a few years. 

I also want to be very vulnerable here and say that I ended up with somewhat of a dependence on tramadol, which was an extremely frightening couple of months for me and Andy and the people around us. When you're in incredible pain you'll do almost anything to get out of it again - but that's a road that was an extreme dead-end. Over 10 days around Christmas, with a lot of social support, I was able to discontinue use. With corticosteroid injections the pain is under much better control, but still present. There are good days and bad days. 

I'm doing physio and being as diligent as I can with my self-care, but this has taken me out of competitive bouting for some time now and I am feeling very vulnerable about it. I know chronic injury and pain is not an uncommon feature of fighters. I've heard a lot of sympathetic stories from folks who have been out for six months, a year, two years or even more - but impatience and impulsiveness are probably my worst qualities, and this is absolutely killing me. 

I had all kinds of performance goals for this year. There were so many things I really thought I was going to be able to accomplish. I may or may not get there, but I'm going to change focus for now. 2024 is going to be about doing what I can to build and maintain the community, supporting he performance goals of other fencers, and becoming well-rounded in ways that don't necessarily require competitive success.