Reflections on gentleness

I've spoken about this before on this very blog (a lifetime ago!) but there’s one virtue that never seems to make it on the list of cardinal virtues that I really, really admire. 

The four cardinal virtues as understood by classical philosophy:
Prudence, Justice, Fortitude and Temperance

This is a quality that appears in almost all of the folks I admire the most (Peer or not) -  a spirit of gentleness. 

We have our modern conception of what being gentle means. It probably calls to mind certain feelings of softness or meekness, but that’s not what I mean when I say it. 

To be gentle is to know that you hold in yourself the power, knowledge, skill, privilege or strength to do great harm - but you don’t, unless absolutely warranted. It’s a state of balance. 

You measure your words carefully. You speak and act with integrity, especially in public spaces. You don’t punch down. You don’t share or exploit people’s vulnerabilities and secrets. But your values, boundaries and expectations around communication and behaviour are always clear. 

You are kind, generous and fair to those who you’re in a position of authority over. You’re a good example to others. You allow others the grace to learn and make mistakes. But you are an authority, and that is clear to all. 

You don’t use your strength to harm. You don’t throw your weight around to get your way. You don’t make other people afraid or miserable in your presence by being excessively forceful. But it is evident, always, that the strength is there and can be summoned if needed. 

You’re an iron fist in a velvet glove. When it’s time to make hard decisions and bring some consequences to bear, you are careful and precise in doing so. But you have the wisdom to know when and how to do it in order to do the least possible harm to others. 

We are all human and we all fail at this from time to time, but I admire the hell out of the many MANY gentle people I know, and meditate on this quality very often.